Angels online
Sharing the Light of the World
When I was in high school, the president of our country talked about certain Americans who were "points of light."
The idea was so corny, most people just laughed at it.
I laughed at it too.
It seems that all of us have an innate desire to please ourselves, to live for ourselves. There's a t-shirt that says, "It's All About Me." Sad to say I was the same way -- and sometimes I still am!
But there comes a point in our lives when we realize that we don't have to have to be first in line, that we'll survive if we don't have the best bunk on the church retreat, and we don't have to have first dibs at the dessert buffet. (OK, maybe I won't go that far - lol)
For me, it was after the time my baby plunged 10 feet to a stone floor and somehow landed safely on a pile of boxes that just "happened" to be there. I thought about my life, what it was all about, what I was doing.
It came down to "what would I do without my baby?" The answer was sadly, "not much." The truth was that without her, I didn't have much. I had a really nice car, wonderful new furniture, and the best TV money could buy. What was it all worth? If anything had happened to my daughter, I would've traded it all in less than a heartbeat.
But she was fine, safe, unharmed. So what did I care? I shrugged it off. But it kept popping back into my mind...
Other than my baby girl, there was nobody who really, really needed me. Or to say it another way, I didn't make myself matter to anyone! Oh sure my husband loved me and needed me (still does -- at least he better if he knows what's good for him!) but if something happened to me, he could eventually go on without me.
The point is, I wasn't doing anything for the world. I was just doing for me.
So I started thinking about my priorities. What could I do? Who could I help? For a while I was thinking about moving to a third world country to be some sort of Mother Theresa -- if you knew me, you'd realize how silly that would be, since I get very upset when I break a nail! Well it didn't take long to put that thought behind me. So I kept wondering, and then I started praying.
I had always prayed throughout my life, I suppose. Not really prayer, more like God was supposed to be some sort of magic Genie who I wanted to grant all my wishes. Other times, I made "deals" with God. (Haven't you done that?) Oh God, I'll be good forever if you'll just get me out of this one...
It all sounds so silly now that I look back on it. If it really was about making deals, what did I have that God could possibly need? He's got countless angels bowing around him, doing whatever he desires! Imagine God saying, "hey, hold the phone, Siobhan has an offer for me! Let's see...ok, she says she'll behave herself as long as I help her become vice-president of the junior women's club! Darn, that girl drives a hard bargain..."
See how ridiculous that is?
Finally somebody at a church group pointed out that it isn't about making deals with God, since we really have nothing to offer. No, God gives us his love and his compassion. It's free! Then one of the grey-haired old church ladies said, "We have nothing to give in return, so it is completely through his grace."
I had her half tuned-out, but then I thought, wait a sec...and I sat straight up and blurted, "did you say grace?"
The old lady smiled knowingly and said, "of course, dear. After all, God is gracious."
That got my attention. (If you read my story, you already know why. As a little girl I complained about always having to pronounce my name for people, and that I hated my name, blah blah blah. So my daddy always told me that Siobhan means "God is gracious.")
Here it was my name all along -- it was me -- and I never really, really thought about what it meant. Did I ever stop and think about how God cared for me? And gives his grace freely?
I knew all about Jesus, I had asked him to be my Saviour many years ago. But I never lived it, never thought about, never considered what the cross was all about.
He was the bargaining chip. He's the one who put up our part of the bargain, by using his life. He's the only one that was worthy of it! Then somebody told me the way to define grace is with an acronym:
God's
Riches
At
Christ's
Expense
Now it was starting to make sense. What was I living for? I had been living for the "BBD" as I call it now. The BBD is the "bigger, better deal." Always the bigger house, the prettier dress, the more expensive shoes, the trendier hairstyle, the flashiest car, the most self-importance. Time to realize it wasn't all about me.
The old woman at the church saw me again a few weeks later. I was helping out with second grade Sunday School. She saw me and smiled and said, "dear, you look so lovely doing the Lord's work, you're a point of light -- just like an angel."
Oh I suppose I looked lovely alright, I think I clean up pretty good. I was dressed to kill -- in a churchy sort of way. But behind my smile I knew that I was NOT a point of light. Not at all. But by realizing that I wasn't doing all that I could be doing, I knew that there was a spark of hope. Not a point of light, but maybe a dull glimmer. I knew I could work on it...I knew I had to.
Some people are like "angels" on earth. You just know they're different. They aren't always "happy," but they have a certain inner joy and a certain peace. They talk different, they act different. You know that they aren't going to rush to be first in line -- even at the dessert buffet!
I wanted to be like that. Like an "angel," a point of light.